General Suckage

I've been struggling with this on and off whenever I've sat down to edit, but it really got me today.

My writing sucks.

I know, according to just about every writer from whom I've sought counsel, this is a normal thing. But I've never been one to hate on my own work, not even my own paintings or drawings, while I've seen other artists go to pieces over their own in disdain.

So this is new to me- and when I sat down to edit today I got stuck in the gut with it, and just how bad I think my writing is.

I can fix it, yes, but right now it's an uphill battle and there's just SO MUCH bad writing and it's going to take me forever... And I just want to get to the more recently written parts already because hopefully those will be much better.

It's one of my great fears that I'll finish this, edit it and everything, even get it published, and then look back at it in a year or two and think it's horrible. After all that work, yes I would have so much knowledge gained from it, but I'd still be ashamed. I can't handle being ashamed of my own work, especially something like this that I love so much.

So back to editing now. It's So Bad. Gah. Pray for me, Lord give me strength.

Oh- on a procrastination note, while I was avoiding facing this monstrosity head-on I was looking through famous quotes and saw AGAIN the Twain quote about replacing every "very" with "damn" so the editors will take it out, so I replaced every "very" with the f-word in my own document via the "find" tool so I'll catch all of them as I go. Because I'm not using any curse words in this story, so it'll be striking. Now I can't wait to find one and fix it, so I have something to look forward to.

Problems I'm Thinking About:
-general suckage
-character consistency
-what is the title going to be??
-mastering the use of dialogue
-well-rounded character stories